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Absolute self-hatred.
Thursday, January 27, 20119:47 PM
I am clearly not like other people.
Even if i try, try, and try again, i still do not seem any more like them. I'm me. I don't even know if that's good or bad, but i'm me, and i can't change that. I have a problem. I don't seem to be able to stay friends with people for as long as other people are. I don't know why. I think it's just me. It's almost as if society is secretly saying to me, "You're weird, that's why you aren't able to hold on to your friends as well as other peopl, this is why they always leave you, you're weirddd." And that in itself, is a silent form of marginalisation. I feel marginalised in this society. This. Is. Traumatic. Do i try too hard or something? Am i too annoying? Do i make a fuss out of everything? (Well actually, i kind of do...DARN.) WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I realise that some of my friendships with people only last about a year, before we either drift away, or just stop talking to each other. Or maybe, because of some unresolvable fight. I thank God for those people who grit their teeth and bare with my stupid insolent attacks towards them when i have mood swings, and who are still sticking by me at this current moment, even after a year. I realise i don't have as many friends as other people. That makes me insecure, yes, but it doesn't mean that i have bad friends. I have good friends. And that's enough, for now. (but im secretly still paranoid. what's wrong with me?) |
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