i feel like changing from blogger to xanga or wordpress.
I'm just saying.

Anyway, onto another topic: Birthday Post
I know, i know, i kept saying how i would make a post about it, but i haven't done so.
No, this isn't the birthday post.

But, i don't feel like writing about it because what happened on the day itself, as well as the remainder of that week, wasn't in a way, the best start to my sixteenth year of life. Really.
Half of me was just being paranoid, but the other half of me cannot forget how terrible that week had seemed. I've inevitably forgiven the people who i believe have hurt me. (As expected). Still though, i'm kind of afraid of putting into words my feelings from that day, and that week.

Maybe...later when i've fully calmed down.

I should start putting happier posts, but it's funny, because i don't really know if anyone ever reads these things anymore. Heh. Also, i've learnt how to store memories in my head, and on tumblr. Oh.

I feel like getting a new blogskin because the current one is really quite annoying. I can't put colours in my post and the italicized and bolded words look quite funny.

I need time for so many things now, but time, is running out.

I can't delete my past, but i can move forward.

I must learn to be a happier girl, and think happier thoughts.

Also, i'm sorry i've neglected my poetry writing skills. I miss writing poetry, but it takes ever so long for me to rephrase my feelings, thoughts and expressions into very complicated words and sentences with awkward verse structures.
(Yes, i usually only write poems about sad and disturbing, or rather angsty and angry emotions, ha.)

Well, studies come first.
I know that now.

Also, ACJC's MASS DANCE VIDEO 2011 is on YouTube. I came across it by accident while searching for a particular tertiary institutions dance video, and from that one video that i viewed, i'm entirely convinced now that by hook or by crook, i definitely must make it to ACJC. I really really really must. Just look at the way everybody is dancing in that video. Seriously. I. Have. To. Become. An. ACJC. Student. AH!

Alright, it ends now.
I'm tired from today's activities.
I will NOT be reviewing my own post to check for spelling and grammatical errors, so have fun spotting them. Haha.

I think i shall start putting more quotes and happy tumblr picture on my blog, and i shall, i WILL, learn to be a happier girl. (:

i don't really know if it's true.
but it sure feels like it is.
i just shouted at my brother for no apparent reason.
seriously.
what did i do that for.
gosh.
i feel so guilty now,
but i'm not going to apologize to him.
its just...weird.

and i deactivated facebook.
just in case you were wondering.

i haven't blogged about my birthday! :o
but i shall do that soon! (:

Dear General Public:
This post should not be viewed unless absolutely certain that one will not have an adverse reaction to reading about the sad dismiss of this wonderful person.

I was just browsing through my pile of Learning Lab worksheets on my table when i came across this particular worksheet:


I came across it, and i remembered; this was the last presentation worksheet that Ms Sng handed out to us. No, i did not feel a sudden rush of emotion overwhelm me. Sorry to say, but i really didn't behave like how they do in the movies.

I stared at it.
I still remember Ms Sng telling us : Please, go home and plan your presentation. I think it's very interesting, and i can already think of people with whom i'd definitely like to have lunch with!

She said it in such an excitable and enthusiastic manner, and i can still remember the exact tone of voice she had, the way she smile, and the way she laughed at the thought of doing this presentation herself.

And then as i'm thinking this, i remember how, when we walked into class the next week, she wasn't there to hear our presentations anymore. She wasn't ever coming back. And although i was dismayed at the fact we had a new teacher, Mr Vignesh, we still had to present.

I remember how Ms Sng used to be really excited at making us do any sort of presentations, and how she was ever so encouraging about it:

If i'm not mistaken, this was the last comment sheet she gave me.

See the irony in all of this? The last presentation i did, was during the March Holidays if i'm not wrong, and one of the presentation questions we could answer was : What makes you happy, and why?

I tried to do a complicated one, and talked about how we should cherish the fact that we wake up alive every morning, because many people take this for granted. I talked about the beautiful repetitive clouds in the sky that made the sky seem like an endless canvas, and yet, everytime i look back at this comment sheet, the words : "REALLY loved your point about being alive!" Keep hitting me like a force of strong wind. In my heart, i almost wish i didn't even bring up this point.

IF we were to write a story about my life in TLL, ms sng's life, or anything to do with the teacher-student relation between us, i'd say that this presentation of mine, was almost as if it was foreshadowing her passing. I feel so ignorant for writing it, yet, how would we have known. Call me an obsessive literature student if you must, but i really really feel as if by writing this point down and by voicing it in my presentatation, it was a bad omen brought to life.

I can safely say now, that i no longer feel afraid to mention her passing, or talk about it, but i really disliked how some people dismissed my feelings of her passing. They assumed that as she was a teacher of mine, i wouldn't be as sad as to that if it was a relative of mine. They misunderstand. She wasn't just a teacher, she was a Learning Lab teacher, and she loved our class very much.

Sure, she complained about us being un-responsive and pretty dead, but she never left teaching us, and continued to deal with my stupid comments and bimbotic answers. She was wonderful. She was encouraging. You don't get "encouraging" from many teachers nowadays.



LOOK AT THIS. I only got half the marks for this passage, and she wrote, "good effort!", and even added a dog sticker!
If this isn't encouraging, then, i don't know what is!

Really...

I miss her.
I didn't suddenly feel "sad" or whatever, or regret cherishing her when she was around, because the fact is : SHE WAS A GOOD TEACHER FROM THE START.

I'm not writing down how great she was because she's now gone. I GENUINELY THOUGHT SHE WAS GREAT. I'm just melancholic over how soon this was. Really, we wouldn't have expected it.

I quote Grayson Kent from Drop Dead Diva:
"There are 4 stages of grieving: Denial, Anger, Depression, and Acceptance"

If i'm not mistaken, i'm probably at the last stage.

Also, i'm gonna miss one more thing:
Being called "Jacqui".
Hm, it's a nice nickname, if you ask me.
Firstly, it's french, and therefore not some terrible singaporean slang form of my name.
Secondly, it sounds cool when she says it. Hee (:

I can still recall how the first time she spelt my nickname on the B&J's Ice Cream Envelope, i immediately interjected in a sing-song voice: Ms Sng~ You spelt my name, wrongly~
To which she promptly replied that, no, that is how she spells my name.
I was actually quite afraid of her fierceness in replying me.

Anyway, i'm just here to blog properly about what i previously haven't.
I just, really wanted to remember all these things properly.
Yes, i miss her, and yes, our whole class misses her.
But hey, life moves on, she's somewhere happier now, and i'm glad that i had the chance to be taught by this wonderful lawyer-cum-entrepreneur-cum-LearningLabTeacher. (:

Thank you Ms Sng, for approximately 3 years of wonderful english tuition, you were a great teacher♥

So many thoughts.
ANYWAY, i'm still pretty blissful now, happy, and content.

This year's class cheer was a blast!

i'm gonna marry him one day :>

i've been posting on my tumblr lately.

We sat there waiting.

My grandparents' brought me to eat Kway Chap at the Serangoon Gardens Hawker Centre on saturday. If you think about it, the thought of eating pig stomach and intestines really makes you cringe, but when you're unaware of it, and accidentally eat it, you actually realise how scrumptious it tastes. Seriously. And i feel like eating it again! I think this dish should go onto my list of Favourite Foods! YUMZ. (: